Why survivors act the way they do…

I have had a very hard time this last week reconciling the verdict in the Ghomeshi trial. For days I could not even watch the news. On Facebook I hid every picture and reference – even those about the huge out-pouring of support for the victims.

Though I felt the same way I could not face the issue.

Today while reviewing my second book before it goes to layout I came across something I wrote and decided to share it…

January 11, 2013

The more I wrote, the more I found myself drawn back to the man I now recognized as my abuser. What is wrong with me?

ONE LAST TIME

I love him still. Don’t I?

There, I have said it.

Written it with my own hand.

Thought it out loud.

Or is it a remnant of my programming?

And don’t forget my sick mind.

All these complex feelings,

Buried for so very long.

Resurfacing when I am most vulnerable.

Shamed, not jealous should I be.

Normalcy beckons from afar,

But I still need closure.

I need to talk with him one last time.

Face-to-face, before it is too l a t e. ☞

 

 

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